Thursday, April 8, 2010

"We're Not Friends. We Never Were."

We're not friends.

To be honest, we stopped being friends awhile ago, for whatever reason.  I don't know what it was.  You were always elsewhere, and I was always just here.  Even when we were both here, it was fleeting and sometimes not worth it.  You had limited time.  You had to go, because there was always something bigger and better to do.

You always missed the important things, all but one of them.  The things that were important to me.  I was your second thought, your third or fourth or fifth.  You were always in the front of my mind.  "Where are you now?  What are you up to?  Why don't you call me, email me, text me?  This just happened, are you safe?"

I visited you, when I could.  You visited me never.  You never even talked about visiting me.  You were close once, physically nearby, and I didn't know until after you were gone.  You didn't give me a heads up, you didn't give a thought of coming to find me.

I wish that I could blame you.  I mean, I do blame you.  But I blame me too.  I know that friendships go both ways, but I also know that I got tired.  I got tired of looking at my phone to see if you texted or called back.  I got tired of checking Twitter and Facebook to see if you replied.  I got tired of wondering when I was going to feel important you again.

I could try harder.  I could text you all the time, call and leave long rambly voicemails.  I could take time off of work to visit you.  I could do all that.  But I've done all that already.  I used to do all that all the time, and look where it's gotten me.  Sitting in front of my computer, talking about how we're not friends.

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